Gastronomic Tour of beautiful France

First off - for those of you that don't know - Gastronomic is the study of the food and culture.   My oldest son - Joey - is currently touring France with his group from the Restaurant School of Walnut Hill College.  It sure sounds like he is having a fabulous time.   One of their dinners over in France consisted of Ballotting of Rabbit with Foie Gras, Baby Rack of Pork and Chocolate Dome with Caramel Ice Cream.  He is having the opportunity to visit vineyards, learning the method of creating Champagne, touring the caves and of course plenty of taste testing of wines and champagne.  Another dinner consisted of Pike with a Champagne butter sauce, an intermezzo of sorbet made with Marc de Champagne, chicken with sauce supreme, a puree of Celeriac, potatoes Daupinoise, Almond pastry with fresh raspberries and creme brulee.  I wish i could say these words let alone even taste testing some of them.  I wish I was with him but then again he is probably having a better time than mom tagging along.

Continues to do well

M continues to do well tolerating his cast to much of my surprise.  It has almost become commonplace now that he can't use his right hand although he continues to bang walls and other objects with it when he becomes mad.  School has allowed him to type instead of writing and like his teacher said - who ever knew one could type so fast with a cast on.  Life goes on.

Wow!

I forgot I even had this blog -- only until I was searching for something completely unrelated and I came upon my own blog in the search. Now how cool is that!

I won't even try to summarize the last 7 months -- I will try to update regularly for my resolution for 2010.

As of today Matt is sporting a new look for the next 4 weeks. He injured his thumb back in December catching a football his brother through at him. I figured he just jammed it. He was able to use it to play his electronic games (playstation, gameboy etc), had no problems slamming his hand down when mad etc. He did complain off and on that it hurt - more at night during bedtime routine so I figured just an excuse to withhold getting to sleep. Because of his continued complaining I figured I would just get it checked into. Off to the docs he went and they ordered an x-ray. The x-ray revealed a fracture at the base of the thumb where it meets the wrist. Made an appointment with the ortho doc and had it cast which was an ordeal in itself.

He decided on a multi color cast - red, white and blue in honor of his uncle who is currently serving in Iraq. Picking his cast colors was an adventure in itself that took almost 10 minutes from trying decide on a single color, then 2 colors, and finally settling on this one. I do have to admit he hasn't complained once yet and it's been 4 full days he has had it on. Matt is very determined to accomplish a task even if it is with his left hand. I do believe the challenge will come when it becomes itchy. Time will tell.

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End of Year Pics

Well, the boys did it.. Congrats to them. Both earning awards for perfect attendance - M this last semester, and D the whole year. D receiving the Presidential Academic Excellance Award and of course their 5th grade diplomas. Where has the time gone? As both boys got off the bus this afternoon, I had D excited the summer has finally begun and M running to me crying that school is out for the summer. It took almost an hour to calm him down only by promising him we will do "mom's" summer school during the break. I included pics of our 'annual' end of school bus stop gang and the boys receiving their diplomas. Click on pic to enlarge and take notice of the young man's expression in the yellow hoodie. This pretty much was his attitude throughout the day knowing that it was the last day of school.

Here we go summer.....

Why.. How .. I know!

Why haven't I posted in a while..
Why does some days seem like it can't get much worse..
Why was I the chosen one..
Why do we have love ones taken from us..
Why does death even have to exist..
Why do some days I just want to throw my hands up in the air..
Why do I wake up some mornings and wonder what will the day bring..
Why do I smile and let everyone think I am okay..
Why does life have to be so hard somedays..
Why does everyone ask "I don't know how you do it alone"...

How do I tell my daughter that it will be okay someday..
How do I tell myself that it will be okay someday..
How come I am hurting so bad inside that I fear each day another love one will be taken..
How do I know that the choices I am making for my kids are the right one..
How do I make the best of each day..
How come I am even asking all this... I KNOW

I know the last few weeks have been very busy which is why I haven't posted..
I know some days are pure hell, but someone always has it worst..
I know I was chosen because I have faith..
I know we have love ones taken from us because angels are always needed to guide us..
I know death exist because everything has a beginning and an ending (it just might not be to our liking)..
I know I throw my hands up in the air because I am really asking the Lord to give me more patience which He does..
I know I smile and let everyone know all is okay because really deep inside me it is..
I know life is hard sometimes because it would be boring if it wasn't..
I know people ask because they are amazed at my abilities to do it alone..
I know my daughter and myself and everyone else that has lost a love one will be reunited one day and our love ones have opened our hearts to know what true love is and we get to live each day remembering this and passing it on to others..
I know I am hurting so bad inside because if I wasn't that means I never loved..
I know my choices for my kids are coming from my intuition and love that I have for each and everyone one of them..
I know I make each day the best I can because tomorrow might never come..
I know I am asking all this because I am human..

President's Education Award - Academic Excellence

I am pleased to announce that D has been selected to receive the “President’s Education Award” for academic excellence. D was selected for this prestigious award based on his outstanding work habits and advanced scores in both reading and math on the PSSA in Grades 3 and 4 and solid classroom academic performance in Grades 3, 4 and 5. I am so proud of him! He will move onto the middle school for 6th grade in the fall. The award ceremony will be held on June 2, 2009. I will be sure to take plenty of pics and post it here.

What a fine achievement!

Fun Saturday

Saturday April 25 2009 was the 3rd Annual Sesame Place day for children with Autism which was sponsored by Variety - the Children's Charity (Philadelphia, PA) and what an awesome day we had. The boys were a little hesitate about going because they were big boys and not preschool kids. When I told them we were going they thought about Big Bird, Elmo, and all the other characters and they would be the only 11 year olds there among all the preschool kids. My daughter jumped on the idea of going (after a lil' white lie had to be told). There was such a wide variety of ages one didn't even realize we were at an amusement park geared toward the younger generation. The temps made it into the high 80's and the water rides were open which made this trip much more enjoyable (although the water was colder than ice if that is possible). We only made it on one dry attraction and the rest of the time was spent in the water park. The clip above was actually suppose to be still photos. I took the pics thinking they would be still photos not realizing my daughter had her camera set for video. After a few editing techniques in Windows Movie Maker, I was able to pull all the 'pictures' together.

What is even better is we get a return trip free of charge through June 21. I am excited to return as are the kids as the water hopefully will be much warmer.

Happy Easter

The boys were excited to see that their baskets had surprises in them when they woke up this morning at 7. It is getting tougher to take pictures of them -- one saying this morning -- don't take a picture - my hair is sloppy, I need to go get dressed. So at the moment only a pic of both boys while digging thru their baskets. I did happen to come across pictures from when they were 4 years old and just wanted to share what 7 years can transform into.


Easter - 2002


D - Easter 2002


D - Easter 2009

M- Easter 2002


M - Easter 2009

Easter Bunny is coming!

The Easter Bunny, in case you’ve been living in a cave, on Mars, with your fingers in your ears, is an anthropomorphic, egg-laying rabbit who sneaks into homes the night before Easter to deliver baskets full of colored eggs, toys and chocolate.

And just how did the Easter bunny come about.

If you go way back, though, the Easter Bunny starts to make a little sense. Spring is the season of rebirth and renewal. Plants return to life after winter dormancy and many animals mate and procreate. Many pagan cultures held spring festivals to celebrate this renewal of life and promote fertility. One of these festivals was in honor of Eostre or Eastre, the goddess of dawn, spring and fertility near and dear to the hearts of the pagans in Southwestern Germany. Eostre was closely linked to the hare and the egg, both symbols of fertility.

As Christianity spread, it was common for missionaries to practice some good salesmanship by placing pagan ideas and rituals within the context of the Christian faith and turning pagan festivals into Christian holidays (e.g. Christmas). Trying to get more pagans to turn their faith around to Christianity.

The Eostre festival occurred around the same time as the Christians’ celebration of Christ’s resurrection, so the two celebrations became one, and with the kind of blending that was going on among the cultures, it would seem only natural that the pagans would bring the hare and egg images with them into their new faith (the hare later became the more common rabbit).

The pagans hung on to the rabbit and eventually it became a part of Christian celebration. We don’t know exactly when, but it’s first mentioned in German writings from the 1600s. The Germans converted the pagan rabbit image into Oschter Haws, a rabbit that was believed to lay a nest of colored eggs as gifts for good children.

Oschter Haws came to America with Pennsylvania Dutch settlers in the 1700s, and evolved into the Easter Bunny as it became entrenched in American culture. Over time the bunny started bringing chocolate and toys in addition to eggs (the chocolate rabbit began with the Germans, too, when they started making Oschter Haws pastries in the 1800s).

END OF LESSON: TEST NEXT WEEK

Boys are snoring away – and they better continue for a long time since it is only 3:30 am. And I believe I better get myself to bed so I don’t scare the Easter Bunny away. And yes, we left carrots and water for him to refresh up before he goes hopping into another home. Be back soon with pictures.

Sorry for the history lesson. Just couldn't sleep and needed something to do.

Happy Easter to all!

April Fool's Day

Ok, so we are four days into April and the 1st has come and gone. But the memories I have of this April Fool's day in previous years are so vivid. I escaped this year with no pranks - a few jokes from the boys - but now relieved as on the 1st I walked around literally on egg shells waiting for a prank. By the way, M continues to joke each day trying to fool us - his understanding is it that APRIL Fool's Day is all month long - each day has to be it because all days are in April.

The first memory that comes to life - and I mean come to life - as I can see, feel and smell this prank. You will understand the smell part in a minute. We were living in NC at the time and my two older kids thought it would be so cool to prank mom out. They set up this prank the night before to catch me off guard first thing in the morning. But the morning was much earlier than all expected. I woke up around 2 am with the worse stomach cramps. Rushing to the bathroom doubled over, I sit down on the jon and expel what was causing the cramping. OMG - but unknowst to me the toilet was saran wrapped and all that SHOULD have dropped and mixed with the water in the bowl was now mixed all over me. I am sure C and J would of loved to see my reaction - well maybe they wouldn't have cause my demeanor wasn't something they would of liked. The smell was notorious - showering at 2 in the morning wasn't what I expected especially when not feeling well. I am sure this prank will never be topped - but then again, I won't put it pass C and J to try something else.

I have this serious sensory issue (if you want to call it that) with cotton balls. I CAN'T stand them, the feel - the sound of rubbing it together etc. I will go to all lengths not to touch it if I can. But that didn't matter to my dear neighbors in NC. They went to all lengths to cover my top sheet of my bed with cotton balls and remake the bed so I wouldn't notice. That night as I readied myself for bed I threw back the covers and I am not kidding - there had to be hundreds of cotton balls that needed to be plucked from my bed. I can still see myself freaking out to this day. I visioned myself having to remove each cotton ball one by one just to get to sleep. I started removing them with a pair of tongues (what you use to grab hotdogs with) but then realized it would take probably all night long to toss each one into the trash. I decided to just shake the sheets out and vacume them up. If I remember right it was over a month later that I continued to see a cotton ball here and there - kind of like those Christmas tree needles we find 6 months later still scattered throughout the house after the tree came down. That is how it was with the cotton balls. I vowed never to buy cotton balls again!

Paybacks are hell -- someday .........

Free Giveaways -

Great website to find many family type free items. You must check it out.

http://www.5minutesforgiveaways.com/

Definitely check it out!

I am currently trying to win the Crayola Timer Light Toothbrush: Info from their website:

"This product is the Crayola Timer Light Toothbrush by the Sunstar’s GUM® brand. The toothbrush comes in fun colors of blue, red, green and yellow, and in the shape of a crayon. When the button on the bottom of the toothbrush is pushed it activates a light that flashes for 60 seconds to encourage children to brush longer.
Recommended by dental hygienists, the toothbrush is said to increase brushing time with the help of its flashing light. The brush also has a suction cup base, which not only makes it fun to stick in a million different places, but helps to keep bristles clean.
My four year old was so excited to try this new toothbrush out that he jumped off his bike, ran into the house and hollered for me to follow with it. He proceeded to load it up with tooth paste, easily turned it on and brushed for the entire 60 seconds. I practically had to drag him away from it. Really!"

Getting the boys to brush without a hassle - is it really possible????? We are currently using a product that turns their teeth blue after they rinse with it and they got to brush til all the blue is gone. We have using it for about 2 weeks now and it is starting to work a bit better. We get in almost 1 minute of brushing each time.

One Step Forward

Some days seem like what I have learned about behavior modifications has been disintegrated and doesn’t exist – while other days that are so awesome I wonder why every day can’t be like it. I titled this blog one step forward and knowing that somewhere down the road I will be posting one that is titled two steps back but acknowledging there will be another step forward.

I was told this week there is a good possibility if M was diagnosed appropriately at an earlier age he probably would have been labeled autistic – a much lower functioning individual. Well, that is both good and bad news. The good news is his Asperger’s diagnosis only came two years ago so I must have been doing something right to have his diagnosis of Asperger’s now after struggling for 7 years without knowing anything. Meaning that the treatment I was giving him at home without any knowledge of autism literally helped M otherwise he would still be non-verbal, everyday 3 to 4 times a day raging, etc. I look back on all the doctor appointments I had for his behavior problems and it was literally written in black and white (testing, evaluations, assessments, doctor reports etc) all the typical symptoms of a autistic child but for some reason it just wasn’t diagnosed as such. (He was being treated psychologically for his behavior since age 4 and not for autistic behaviors (He is now age 11). The two are really different because I truly believe an autistic child does NOT have a behavior disorder but acts out in a behavioral way because of sensory issues). The two are treated so much differently. I pat myself on the back for the effort I have put forth to get M to the point he is now. I am no way saying that M does not have behavior difficulties, but I think the way they were being targeting should have been redirected in a different way. The bad part of that statement is M could have been receiving much needed treatment in an autistic way and we could be beyond the challenges I currently am enduring. But that is neither here or there now and hence the reason why I say one step forward. His disorder is now more recognized both at the school and in therapy and treatment is being adjusted accordingly.

M has been discharged from physical therapy as the therapist strongly feels that most of his struggles are more related to sensory issues. I am still learning everything about sensory issues and to help us all we have increased his occupational therapy to twice a week. When M would cover his ears and scream during a fireworks show, thunderstorm, really struggle during a trip to the carnival that is supposed to be fun, a trip to the grocery store more times than I can count ended up walking out because of him raging, eating at a restaurant and having difficulties, purposely throwing himself down on the ground, walking into the walls, having a meltdown because the cereal he would eat everyday wasn’t replaced when we ran out, wants to wear 7 shirts and hoodies to school, walks on his toes, could not grasp how to tie shoes or color within the lines – and the list could go on and on – all this is due to sensory issues which is very common in children on the autistic spectrum. With the increase in OT and goals to work toward, I really feel all this is one step forward that will be bringing M more in touch with his needs and allow for his outburst to seek these needs to be diminished significantly.

ASD - Being Literal

Living in an apartment has its ups and downs - especially when M is having a rough day and decides to have a meltdown that last hours at a time. But its those other moments that make you smile and forget about those meltdowns. Having Asperger's makes it hard for one to understand literal statements. Simple everyday statements like: Get up on the table to color so no one runs into you - so the child literally gets up on the table to color instead of sitting in a chair. You have something that needs to go in the trash so you ask the Asperger's child to throw it in the trash - they literally THROW it in the trash - doesn't matter if the trashcan is in the next room or not -- he/she throws from where they are. Oh I could probably write a book on things you should not say around a asperger's child. But sometimes you just can't stop what other people say. Imagine:

Bringing groceries in from the car and a new tenant is moving in carrying his boxes to the door. M being the caring person runs ahead and holds open the door for all of us. We all meet up at the door. I say hi and introduce myself. He replies: Hi, I'm Rich. My lil' polite boy returns saying: Oh My mom likes rich men.

Just imagine my embarrassment.

Today is tough.....

and i have no idea why. I slept pretty good, but I wake really feeling miserable - missing all those that left this earth before me. I am thinking about my dad, mom, brother, my grandson. Today's date has no relevance to anyone so why am I feeling this way? It's almost like I feel - okay whose next? I even sit here making myself envision just one thought that brought a smile to my face with each of these love ones in my past - but for some odd reason all I am seeing is the funeral and their body in the open casket. What's wrong with me - why am I thinking like this.

My beautiful grandson - August 26, 2007 - December 27, 2008
(16 months) Earned angel wings due to Krabbes Disease

My mom - July 8, 1938 - August 3, 2008
(70 years old) Earned angel wings due to cancer

My brother - October 28, 1958 - November 6, 2006
(48 years old) Earned angel wings due to massive heart attack

My dad - July 9, 1933 - April 25, 1988
(54 years old) Earned angel wings due to complications from open heart surgery

I don't have a pic of my dad on the computer or I would add him also.

I have so much to get done today and I just feel blah. I know it's okay to be missing all but why today. I want to so much crawl back into bed, throw the covers over my head, and fall into a deep sleep and when I wake my mind will be thinking differently. But I can't -- boys need pet supplies, I need food, I have about 4 loads of wash to do, cleaning, a bike to fix (and hopefully D will ride it today and not feel dorky in his helmet), I have a PSP to fix as M got a new memory card and wants everything transferred from his old memory card onto his new one, I have a web page to update for a client. I guess I better get a move on. I just wish I felt better.

I'm the meanest mom around....

Ok, we all rose to this rank by our children: "You are the meanest mom".. Well I have once again (probably the thousandth time) been told this. The issue this time... D got a cool bike from his older brother - a hand me down - and he wants to so badly ride it. Then why don't he you probably ask.. well here we go .. I am the meanest mom because ... you ready for this .. this mean mom is making him wear a helmet and omg he will be the dorkiest kid in the neighborhood. Per him "No one else has to wear a helmet - why do I?" I do feel for him, because I do not think helmets were even invented for bikes when I rode one - (no i am not THAT old.. - in case you were thinking that). But I know the statistics - and even know of someone who decided that he was too cool to wear a helment and now he is alone in his own little world unable to communicate or recognize anyone around him. I tell him my rule is No Helmet - No Bike. "But I will be careful mom"... How do you get thru to an 11 year old that it's not him (well really it is because he is a daredevil and of course a true all american boy that doesn't think there is anything wrong with riding up a 3 foot ramp and flying thru the air). I try to explain that being ''dorky'' (in his terms) is better than lying in a bed with a head injury - or 6 foot under. Of course, no kid thinks about that -- all they think about is "it won't happen to me". So for the time being the bike is put away because he won't be caught anywhere with a helmet since no other kid does. This helmet thing isn't new -- all summer long he wore a helmet - oops.. he is 11 now .. he doesn't need one per him. Even showing him the so called State Law that requires anyone under 12 to have a helmet doesn't impress him. His argument - then why don't the cops say something to the kids that are riding their bikes and don't have a helmet. He has a point -- but I continue to tell him that it is for his protection. I guess for today the bike will remain in storage until he feels undorky! This is when I wish I was able to buy myself a bike and we could go bike riding together all in our dorky helmets!

My prayers was answered -- we got almost 6" of the snow. I had some time to enjoy it with D my outdoorsman, but M didn't want to go outside cause it was "too cold". Well, I will be getting him out this weekend as the temps are suppose to go in the mid-upper 50's (only to hear a possibility of another storm coming our way mid-month. We will see if this fans out). M started OT to help with his sensory issues and PT to help stretch muscles and to work on straightening out his feet. Finally - the therapist also observed him walking on his toes and his foot slapping. I have been trying to tell the docs since he was a toddler and it was always pushed aside saying he will grow out of it. Now only to find out his muscles are so tight hence the reason why he walks this way. It took me to literally go over the pediatricians head to get anywhere.

I watched CNN's report on Autism (click to read) and it literally brought tears to my eyes. When Mary (Melissa's mom) made the comment that really no one understands what you are going thru unless they have a child with autism is the truest words. We have the behavior consultant coming once a week and that has been a real struggle for M. Sometimes I wonder if having one come every day would be more of a benefit. This week was better than the last visit . Last week he was literally out of control for almost 3 hours and this is with Mr. S (behavior consultant) trying to work with him to calm him down. Hopefully this week is an indication that each week will get easier. The goal is to reduce his negative behavior by providing more positive reinforcement and for me to recognize his cues when frustration levels are increasing.

Snow or Rain?

I want snow - and lots of it. I remember in the good ole' days when I would go out and build my snowman and forts. Those good ole' days are still with me. I am still a kid at heart - just wish physically I felt like it. Just two days away and each station I listen to in regards to this storm I hear it will be a hit or miss. Dam, my career should of been in meteorology. I can make lots of mistakes and still have my job. Counting down and I will pray to the snow gods that we get lots of this white stuff and not just the annoying fluff stuff. I WANT TO GO SLEDDING!

Itty Bitty Time Out

I just read a news article that tells me single mom's need to remind themselves to take itty-bitty time outs. My so called itty bitty timeouts I get is when I need take care of personal business - you know - my timeout room is in the bathroom. Gosh even the experts tell one this: "Time out should be done in a boring place such as the bathroom, the hall, a stairwell, or other area where there is likely to be little entertainment. "

No entertainment in the bathroom for me (unless.. well use your imagination). But omg, I can't even go to the bathroom or take a shower without someone knocking on the door or calling me from the other room. So where should my itty bitty timeout be? In my closet, downstairs in the cold laundry room, under my bed ... or maybe I should take this advice:

"I once knew of a mom that bought a wild-looking red bath robe. The rule was when mom came out of her room with that robe on, no one was allowed to ask for anything unless the room was on fire".

If you have a suggestion on where I should give myself itty bitty timeouts, please comment and let me know. If it works I will be sure to post. Well off to another day at work.

Day in history

OK, so what were you doing at approximately 12pm when Obama was sworn in? I was handing a Blue Gatorade to one of the students and told him to mark this day down in history. Will he remember 20 yrs from now what he was doing when the nation swore in the first black president -- probably not. I probably wont either -- but this day is significant in 1st - not only for the inauguration but for:

- M's frog peed in his hand while holding him for the first time today
- I was up at 3 am and for the 1st time actually got back to sleep quickly (even if it was for a short time)
- For the first time I had BOTH boys help clear off my car of snow WITHOUT any fighting (Now mark that down in history)... ha ha

The day isn't over so I am sure there will be even more 1st for this family in this day in history.

Hmmm

I wake up and see that I can make a 3" snowman - total height. I have this deep desire to go sledding - I hope to make it happen before this winter season is over. Busy day ahead between doc appointment, wash, shopping, cleaning and watching the EAGLES. Started a Home Rule Contract that got a lot of non-compliance to sign but as soon as the boys realized all privileges are revoked until it is signed well - that changed the overall mood. I know it will be difficult over the next few days as usually that is the way things work around here when something new is started - but as soon as the boys realize mom is serious and consistent I am hoping things will change. M is quite hyper this morning - although his meds have only been in him for less than 45 minutes. Kick in meds - please kick in. Have a great day all

INTRO TO GANG

How can one get the daily scoop without knowing a bit more about us all. Let's start here and now. I am a single mom raising the twin boys who will be 11 this year and have been raising them on my own since they were two. I also have 2 older kids J who attends college ft and works pt - he is my future chef (and btw - he did an awesome job this past Thanksgiving cooking dinner for us all). C is my oldest and only daughter. Having just lost her only son due to Krabbes disease she is struggling to find out who she is and how to move forward during this difficult time. I do have to say she is the strongest woman I have ever met. C did an awesome job caring for her son for the 16 months he struggled on this earth. I personally do not think I could of kept it together as well as she did. Kudos to her. I have told her many times how proud I am of her. Her dream is to go back to college to get a degree in the nursing field. I hold high hopes for her. Both of the older kids (from my 1st marriage) are out on their own. The twins (D & M) are from my second marriage. I will not discuss in this blog at all about my previous relationships. This blog is 100% dedicated to the kids and myself.

M has been dx'd with Asperger's in early 2007 and continues to be dx'd with ADHD. I have always loved challenges and believe me he gives me a few challenges each day -- yea, some of them I want to pull all my hair out -- but to date -- i still have all my hair. Amazing isn't it! Since an accurate diagnosis I have been able to get an IEP rolling at school and only this year am I able to really start evaluations/services that will benefit him greatly with his stuggles related to Asperger's. In matter of fact, toward the end of this week he will be evaluated for OT and PT which I am hoping will help with his small motor skills including feeding struggles, gross motor skills, and several sensory issues. We just started with a behavior specialist consultant and I am hoping thru his ABA training that issues we have at home will become much more manageable. I will keep it updated.

D is my typical all-american boy. He loves the outdoors and if I allowed him he would set up tent and live outside. He probably spends a good 80% of his day outside ignoring temperatures even when they are below 32. He does well - extremely well in school. I sometimes wonder if he has any issues but to date nothing has been diagnosed. He has been tested for ADHD and I am being told he has nothing going there. I think most times his behaviors are related to trying to understand his twin brother and learning to accept/deal with his behaviors . D & M are as different as night and day as I tell others. Literally all the way to their blood types being different. From being dark curly hair to M being straight blonde as toddlers.

J is in his first year of college and seems to be enjoying it. Although this year has been in his words too easy as he took the courses in his tech school just two years earlier. He is hoping to go oversees to continue his schooling - I believe he said France. He has his own 'pad' and has really matured over the last year.

C I have mentioned a few times in these blogs. I am really anxious to see how this year unfolds for her.

Happy Birthday to myself

Well today marks minus 2 to the big 50. Just another day I tell all - but really -- is it??? I started the day by waking up the boys - M having alot of trouble awaking - and whispered in his ear -- on this day today 48 years ago - something very special happened. He mumbles - "what". I said mommy was born. M is curled up under a thousand blankets - at least that is the way it seems as I continuously pull a blanket off of him one by one. As I get to the second to last his arms appear and I think I see a half-smile as he wraps his arms around me and says "happy birthday mommy" but he quickly throws the covers back over him and closes his eyes again. I give him the love tap and go over to get D up. As I look over to his bed he isn't there. Oh I say to myself -- he's up and moving already. Then I see an arm appear from under his bed. I get down to the floor - oh now I see what 48 years has done on my body as I hear my bones creaking as I go down. I peer at him under his bed as his eyes brighten up any dark room and D says - "how did you know I was down here"? Ahhhh the things mommy's know. What a beautiful morning it was - not any different than any of day - so yes it is just another day - but I am able to experience another day full of life and adventures and I am sure so many challenges.

Angel in Heaven

This year is going to be so much different than any of year - any! I lost my first and only grandson on December 27, 2008. At a tender age of 16 months - he earned his angel wings after a battle with Krabbe's Disease. I've lost love ones in the past - my dad in 1988, my brother in 2006, even my mom on August 3, 2008. This lost is so much harder. My heart breaks for my daughter - what a wonderful mom she was to Jayden. Jayden was the love of her life. She gave up everything for him. I know Jayden will be watching over all of us and especially his mommy.